My wife got two phone calls yesterday from her mom’s assisted living center. They said they can no longer keep her there and they think she needs memory care now.
Dementia sucks.
There’s no fancy intro here. No recipe tie-in. No life hack. No silver lining post about “what dementia taught me.”
It - just - sucks.
Watching someone slowly disappear while still being physically here is one of the hardest things we have ever watched. And not just for the person going through it — but for everyone around them too.
The confusion
The fear
The repeated conversations
The guilt
The exhaustion
The constant second-guessing
“Is she safe?”
“Are we doing enough?”
And then comes a phone call like yesterday’s.
A line gets crossed… but not all at once. Dementia rarely works like that. It’s more like a slow series of tiny losses that suddenly become impossible to ignore.
I think one of the hardest parts is that families never really feel “ready” for memory care. By the time the conversation happens, everyone is already emotionally exhausted.
And if you’ve been through this yourself — either with a parent, spouse, grandparent, or friend — then you already know.
Dementia changes the whole family.
Today I’m mostly thinking about my wife. Because no matter how expected this may have been… hearing someone say your mom can no longer stay where she is still hits like a punch to the chest.
As we iron out some of the details, one thing is for sure…. we are going to have to make another trip up to see mom this month, and I will be going along this time for added support. This will interfere with my cooking/workshop schedule and for that - I apologize in advance. Hopefully - I can figure out a way to continue the livestreams and cooking while I am up there - we’ll see. No promises though.
I’ll let you know more the close we get to that date - which I imagine will be in a few weeks.
Anyway. No big lesson today.
Just this:
If you’re going through this too, I see you.
Dementia sucks.
Family first. You have already given us so much to go on, we can get by when you are away. You have our support.
So sorry. Do what you need to do and we will still be here.